How is this rap lookin?

this is my second one, i know some of it seems a lil wack, but im just lookin for constructive criticism.



whats the deal, is there noone real

or tough enough to spit how they really feel?

does every verse emmerge with every pop of a pill?

does every rapper take a nap while their label handles the deal?

im about to put a cap on this fable that no rappers are real.

so lets take a look at whats on the table for tonights meal.

all these mcs rollin in high class suites

take a sec to listen, do some addition and add *** plus seats.

you think you got here due to your mad beats?

id be mad too if i was layed down by someone so weak.

i may be bad, but at least i have the decency to say it.

look at you, thinkin your smooth, knowin the truth

but your ego still fakes it.

everyone seems to want a piece of the pie.

their ****** starvin for attention built around countless lies.

it seems that all of your ryhmes have one big fake disguise

none seem to hold any truth, guess their optimus prime

all mainstream means is garbage

lil wayne is nothin but a stain amongst raps carpet

they think they fly with no cape and iron boots

im so fly ill dunk a basket in heaven's hoops

nah just playin im not that cocky

im just sayin raps future looks foggy

but im prayin that young mcs will keep slayin

even when the grass is soggy

until then ill pass as groggy

if you ever get a slice of that pie

savor the flavor and do me a favor

sign a waver to pass on that cocky behavior

remember green is limber

if your heart is december than money is your winter

and if its of no value, than godspeed be proud of you

and every time you rappin, you tappin in to a part of your soul

dont be a fool to use it as a charter to find gold.

grasp it hold it and mold it to a masterpiece

dont let it become a disaster these rappers have got you fooled.

its about time theses fakes have got schooled.

but you cant teach real, only preach real

and if the truth still doesnt spill then nothins left but to to kill

these rappers, sorry saps, with there head up there ***, caught in a time lapse

with no grasp on reality,

there so used to distortin the truth and lying to the game

they to busy snortin cocaine an worryin about fame

so its time someone showed em the pain for puttin talent to shame

pourin their name out like lemonade

like a maid gettin paid 50 grand a day workin late

cept without all the weight of making something worth the pay.

its just a cheapened version, in need of an incersion, i be purging

at the sight of this mess, i must confess, theres no less that rap can depress

but if hits the bottom, itll be bottoms up vallum, cuz all that **** that hit

will slide back up and itll start again, so matter what, through thick and thin

ill always have this pen and its neighbor the paper.

this itch is a ***** but its such a witch

the way it annoys and destroys my skin, but the pleasure is a ten

so i keep itchin this poison ivy with my pen

i feel like i need an anitbiotic

im feelin psychotic

these words are relentless, you cant prevent this.

theres no stoppin them, so i just keep jottin them

and poppin them, your words, ive forgoteen them.How is this rap lookin?
A star is born...........*How is this rap lookin?
It's OKAY, but it still requires some editing and assistance:



***Work on your flow: Every line should have the same amount of syllables.



***Increase your vocabulary a bit: You started the rap off with easy 3rd grade rhymes, no offense. (deal, real, feel, meal). If you start an essay off like that, it won't grab your reader's attention. Likewise, if you start a rap off like that, people are going to hit the *skip* button on their iPods. (technically, its the *next* button but you know what I mean).



Other than that, it's alright. Just work on those areas for now. By the way, who do you listen to/favorite artist?