It is burning hot outside, it is so hot I can boil some eggs on the sidewalk. When we moved to L.A we didn’t know we were going to be staying in the desert. Hi, my name is Samantha, but my friends call me Sam. Well, actually my friends at home. We just moved here last month and tomorrow school begins. Luckily, I won’t be the only new kid. I haven’t met anyone yet cause I hardly go outside. I’m always inside my room reading a book or on the computer emailing my friends back at home. The closest I get to going outside is checking the mail. My Father says I can’t even walk Olivia (our dog) outside until I get use to the community directions.
Well, right now I am actually reading a book called “Little Women” I absolutely love that book it is one of my favorites. I was turning to page 250 when my brother walked in with his baseball shirt and baseball cap Mom sewed which read “Robison Family Team”. I have one to cause me and my brother love to baseball. We both hate the name, but Mom says she won’t buy us another one or sew another one until we outgrow these. I completely hated the bet, but there was nothing I could do.
“Hey, you up for a game of ball?” Nick asked me bouncing his baseball in his hand from side-to-side. I smiled and set my bookmark on the page. I ran to my closet and grabbed my baseball cap. I reached inside and pulled out of pack of gum. I unwrapped the piece and dropped it on the floor.
“Let’s go,” I called out. We jogged downstairs and burst out to the backyard. We found Dad outside shooting hoops. I sighed. The only reason he played basketball was to get in “shape”. Nick and I searched around for loose pieces of papers, chip bags, and soda cans. I found one and he found two then we set them down as bases. Nick was the pitcher and I was the batter. Nick threw the ball and I missed. Our eyes both followed the ball which rolled behind me. I popped my gum and shrugged.
“Get the ball bozo,” I ordered. “It’s right behind you,” Nick exclaimed. I popped my gum again, and it get stuck on my face. I quickly took it off so I could argue with Nick.
“Yeah, but if I touch the ball I’ll get out,” I explained. “No, you won’t Nick nodded. I squinted my eyes giving him a look. We stared at each other for about 2 seconds then Nick sighed throwing his baseball cap down. Then he walked towards the ball. I giggled sneaking out another piece of gum.
Later, we were playing catch with our softball. I threw the ball just a few inches. Nick squinted his eyes from the raving sun. He pulled his baseball cap down to keep it from out of his eyes.
“Sam, you throw like a girl,” Nick complained. I made a face at him. “Hello, I am a girl,” I demonstrated holding up my hand. Nick hesitated glancing down at the grass. Then he picked up the ball and started tossing it up in the air.
“Well…you throw like a boy,” Nick taunted. I slowly walked to him and smiled. Then I patted him on the head.
“Thank you, normal people actually consider a complete,” I taunted back at him. I snatched the ball and walked into the house. Mother called my name as soon as the door swung open. I sighed glancing at my watch. I knew it was dinner time and she wanted me to help her. She’s always going on and on about how 14-year-olds are always cooking dinner for their families. I tried to explain to my Mother that I’m not those type of girlie-girls.
“Want to help cook dinner sweetie,” my Mother asked. I sat down at the counter and did a fake and friendly smile. “No, Mom I think I’ll pass,” I said. Mother mumbled to herself as she stirred the spaghetti. Although, I had to admit it did look fun. I imagined my brother and I cooking dinner and all of a sudden we’re having this big food fight. It would be so great to be covered in spaghetti sauce. I would taste and smell so good.
Although, so people would be allergic to me and that would be really bad. Dogs might even try to eat me, on second thought I’d rather just smell like my normal-self. Speaking of smell I smell like grass. Maybe after dinner I should go take a shower. Nah! We don’t want everyone losing their appetite because of my mustiness.
Meanwhile, I had taken my shower and we just settling down for dinner. I sat down in my seat and looked at my mashed potatoes. I used to love mashed potatoes, but Mother’s mashed potatoes were worser than our school’s mashed potatoes. I scrunched up my nose.Is this a good story so far and can you help finish half?
i would change the intro it kinda sounds like your writting a paper about your summer. also dont make things go by so fast and maybe add more dialog. also you said something about a food fight and i got alittle lost? you might want to involve the mom getting mad or something and talk about it more. also you dont have to put the girls whole background into the whole intro, you could split it up through the first chapter. but other than that good job =]Is this a good story so far and can you help finish half?
ya, it sounds really good :)Is this a good story so far and can you help finish half?
The content is good, but it is a bit broken up with a lot of run on sentances and repetative words (For example you wrote: I absolutely love that book it is one of my favorites. IT is supposed to be: I absolutely love that book. It is one of my favorites.) Just minor little things like that. Also, worser isn't a word. It's worse. Just fix a few things like that, and it's great!!
If you can write all that you can finish your own story.
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